Friday, 15 August 2008
My peedie brother...the philosopher!
My peedie brother can be quite a little philosopher!
When up in Orkney myself and DB took him out for the morning out of the middle of the wedding preparation action. While waiting for DB to come out of the public conveniences at the Pierhead in Stromness (they're very pretty - just down by the harbour...and we all have to use them at some point!) he stood there with a pondering look on his face and we had the following conversation.
David (with a very serious exprression on his face): You really love Derek don't you?
David: If he had to go away for a long time you'd really miss him wouldn't you?
Me: I would. I loved somebody before who didn't love me back in the same way and that wasn't nice. It's important to find someone who will love you back.
David: Yes it is because if you love someone and they don't love you back then you go to cuddle them and they don't cuddle back and that is a very big problem. Yes, that is a very big problem indeed (followed up with much nodding of his head as he considered just how big a problem this was...)
To say I was a little bit stunned at the deep thinking was an understatement. Having been in the situation (as has my DB) of being in long-term relationships with folk who did just that, pushing you away when you went for a hug, I would have to say he got it spot on. When you're the sort of individual who needs physical contact and affection in order to flourish and feel loved then it's amazing how it can deplete you and hurt you to be pushed away. It's why I don't take for granted what I've got now.
This last year I've found out what it's like to be with someone that places the same importance on physical touch and affection as I do. I can fall asleep on his shoulder and waken up still hugging and being hugged back. It makes me sappy as hell but I don't care. After 10 years with one, and 5 years with another one, that seemed to think it was a weakness to show any affection whatsoever then I want as much as I can get now. If I'm lucky enough to have found someone who loves me back and wants me to just be me (and that amazes and interests them) then I'm not going to tell them "go away, this is good!" I'm keeping them as close as they want to be and enjoy them being whoever it is that they want to be now and in the future. I'm going to make the most of being with my DB.
Posted by Maureen at 6:56 am